October 31st - This Yog Is For Me

I do agree with Rajiv – though as he would say, it is not a question of agreeing but simply of understanding fact – yog is about personal transformation. I started five years ago for the body – I wanted to get in better shape and needed something that would help give me balance. And it was the perfect excuse for the weekly Saturday brunch with a very good friend that followed :-) Over the first couple of years, the yoga shifted from being about brunch to actually being about the yoga and then two years ago, I realized I wanted to find the ever illusive 'quiet mind'.

One of Rajiv's topics for today's asana class was ease ... and the example of the older woman who may look 40 from the front but 90 from behind ... and as he say's “that's after the facelift but before they start botox ...” The message is clear – we need to be at ease with our age and our bodies and in our lives. And I am increasingly finding that ease ... I am more calm ... and it is lovely.

Not always though ... like when I get to be Swati's example of what not to do in an asana, then my ego is definitely alive and kicking, together with my pride for my teachers at home – they don't deserve the “this is the problem with how you are being taught in the west” label ... as I say about this blog, this reflects only me, not anyone else ... and yet I feel like I am letting them down ... that need to please, pride, ego, recognition ... all normal human emotions ... and yet I am so much happier when I can let them go ... and truly be at ease. The good news, I'm becoming more present and aware of when I'm not at ease ... when I've been in an ugh, ugh, ugh moment, and I tell my self to breath – just breath and try to find the calm in the breath, remarkably enough I found it, felt calmer and again, more at ease. So how do I keep this sense of ease outside of Rajpur? One of Rajiv's other lessons is how the mind is hungry for inputs – and in our search for the quiet mind, a fundamental tool is how we control what is 'input' – through all 5 of the our senses. Something I completely get - and prompts good questions for life at home ...

So I'm definitely feeling on this path of transformation, and I have to thank both Swati and Rajiv, but especially Rajiv. Why? Well, I've started typing this sentence 5 times ... how do I summarize Rajiv? ... dedicated – yes, opinionated - yes, single minded – absolutely, open – not always, passionate – without a doubt, belief in what he's teaching and it's importance – unquestioned. I've so enjoyed his classes – this mixture of asana and talks – always with a message, inevitably an expression I wish I could remember afterward and so often these pearls of wisdom that I reflect on further. I've also learned from Gavin just how much his teaching is based on that of Prashant (Mr. Iyengar's son) whereas Swati teaching is based on Geeta's (Mr. Iyengar's daughter). Geeta has taken the precision of Mr. Iyengar's work forward whereas Prashant's focus is more philosophical and strongly incorporates the breath. Unfortunately it seems that many western teachers, and often women, gravitate to Geeta's style – and I've seen it myself in that most teacher's I've had mention Geeta but I've rarely if ever heard Prashant mentioned. I'm hoping that changes because while the teaching of Geeta is critical, it is Prashant's, through Rajiv, which I've found most illustrative and transformative.

So why the heading for this blog? Prior to this retreat, people have asked me if I want to teach yoga and I haven't been sure – it didn't jump out at me but I didn't discount it either. I said that I thought this course would help me answer that question. There are aspects of teaching that I enjoy – I do tend to study the yoga – my way of practicing – but it is not my passion in the way it is for the teachers I respect – and the way I discovered in Africa that math is for me. I get a huge amount out of yoga personally but I don't get nearly as excited by it as I do explaining multiplication or quadratic equations (crazy I know ...) – and I know to be a good teacher, which of course is what I'd want to be, I need to have a passion for what I teach. So I think that answers that question – this yog is for me, for my ongoing personal journey and transformation. To help me live the kind of life I want to live and be the person I want to be. To live my live with grace, gratitude, generosity, openness and love. And I'm very happy with it this way.