November 11th - Perfect Last Days In India

Normally, when I'm close to leaving a place, my mind goes into accelerated forward planning mode: when will I pack, how long will it take, when am I scheduled to leave, what will I do my last day and when – almost down to 30 minute increments. Basically, way, way, way to much in the future in my head ... and I miss out on actually enjoying the time I have left in a place. This time however, about a week before leaving, I decided to just try and be and fully enjoy the last week – I had the taxi and train booked and by now, I pack quick, so really what else was there – so I continued on present in my lovely Rajpur life and haven't thought ahead – and it's been wonderful.

When it got down to my last two days – and I was surprised to realize it – I also decided to keep my routine 'normal' right to the end – I could have gone into town and done some gift shopping (sorry guys ...) or had a last meal out or seen a temple I hadn't yet visited but that wasn't the energy I wanted. I wanted to enjoy the peace and serenity of this quiet life for as long as humanly possible.

So the second to last day was a last class with Swati – a great class and the back bends had me feeling particularly alive after! Followed by breakfast at Amdo's – it was a larger group than normal – nice but almost a little forced – not as relaxed as it's been when it was a smaller number of regulars there catching up on the class and the day. A little internet time and then – to the roof! My favorite writing spot is the pergola on top of the yoga studio – it is like sitting on top of the flowers of the garden, surrounded by the hills and the most beautiful breeze wafts in. Then practice – I've found a practice while here – I go and depending on what else I've done that day, my mood, the right practice seems to come to me / flow. I still have a huge amount to explore and grow with it and I'm very happy to be at this point as I leave. Then Laura and I wandered down the main Rajpur road – we had some errands (sweets and samosas) and also a little shoe shopping to do (even in India I can find shoe shopping!) and had the most lovely (written just for her ...) time – she has this lovely light, bright energy and we laugh a lot. A final relaxed dinner with Gavin and Laura, some writing and bed – the back pack still in it's corner.

The last day and in some ways it doesn't feel like I'm leaving at all – in other ways, I'm good to go. We had a great class with Rajiv this morning – he was at his inspirational best – yoga is about finding the light within and I do glimpse it – a final shavasana like trikonasana that had us all in a very special place at the end. I then had a lovely treat – breakfast in one of the other houses – it was a beautiful spot with a quiet garden amongst fields with flowers and the hills. It turned into a few relaxed hours of good conversation in the sun – and as I realized it was my last day in the sun (I've been in the warm sun everyday since the beginning of May and next stop is London in November) I risked overstaying my welcome to soak it up - literally! A final practice – distracted with people coming and going to say goodbye – a final sync at the internet, a final samosa and chai and a lovely final dinner with Gavin and Laura – Laura and I had the giggles – and poor Gavin, looking at the two of us 'vatas' and our 'lightness' – he said it was like watching two helium balloons float off in the ether ... I've been incredibly lucky with housemates and I will miss the dinners!

I saw Gavin and Laura off, made a final cup of tea, sat and enjoyed the last of the candles, looking at the sky and was just grateful – very, very grateful. I had no idea coming what this experience would bring me and it just surpassed my expectations in all possible ways. I have this joy inside and a full heart – and now maybe, I'm just ridiculously blissed out on 7 weeks of yoga and pranyama (entirely possible) but it's more than that. I feel love. Love for everything – the sky, the animals, the people I've met – a love to be alive and living this incredible life – my inner effulgence is I think what Rajiv would call it ... so a few tears – happy ones – and now I am looking at all the stuff in my cupboard and my empty back pack ... time for Kleenex, some music, a little dancing round the room and packing up ... then on to my next port of call.

November 9th - Vata, Pita, Kapha ... What Am I?

For this second course, we've been studying Ayurveda as well as yoga. Ayurveda is the ancient Indian medical science – a sister science to yoga - and another that Patanjali was one of the first to document over 5,000 years ago. So for the first half of the course, Rajiv has been introducing Indian philosophy and the basics of Ayurveda to us – it's been fascinating and thankfully we're staying high level so I think I'm getting it ... For the second half, we've had an Ayurvedic Dr. here who has taken us a level deeper (I'm trying to keep it simple, but it's incredibly complicated ... learn a little, think I understand, learn more and get really confused ... apparently an essential part of learning ... and in which case, I'm on the path to great learning ...)

So what is it? My simplification – at an incredibly crude level – there are three 'types' which describe personality, traits, body type etc. and everyone is composed of elements of all three but will have one or two of the types be dominant. The very basic definitions – Vata: cold, light and airy; Pita: hot, firy and medium; and Kapha: cold, heavy and solid. And then the challenge is to be in balance with your individual mix of the three types – with what you eat being a key contributor to finding that balance – and being in balance, helping to prevent disease. There is a lot of the science that is resonating with me ... such as how, when disease is present, it attacks the weakest parts of the body and that is where symptoms come up – but they can be quite distinct from the disease ... so when diagnosing, the trick is to identify the underlying disease to be able to 'turn that facet off' of what ever is creating the disease versus simply treating the symptom.

The Dr. is also doing personal consultations with each of us – mine was today and it was fascinating ... he read my pulse for a long time ... so long, I half wondered if he could find it ... then intuitively he knew where my weak points were (thought I'd had an accident in my lower back). And then the diagnosis ... Vata followed by Kapha – I was surprised as I had expected Kapha Vata – others weren't surprised at all ... In many ways they are most opposite – airy, quick, lite versus slow, steady, solid – but it actually helps explain some of my dichotomies (of which I have a number ...). What really helped was understanding the link between the two types combined with the impact of food. I am in balance as Vata, but it is easy for me to go out of balance (which makes sense) and when that happens it is my Kapha being aggravated (I think ...). So he kept saying I needed to be careful with what I eat – the advantage of Vata Kapha is I can eat pretty much anything – but it is how moderately I eat it ... and my relationship with food can be summarized well by the expression, “when I'm good, I'm very good but when I'm bad, I'm just awful ... :-) The yoga and exercise are also critical (which I also know) – his rule, yoga/exercise in the morning, or I'm not allowed lunch ... and I know that when I eat well and exercise I feel good – and doing the one encourages the other. When I'm not feeling as well – or in balance – then my bad eating habits come out, I lose energy in exercise and the spiral starts to tilt down. There is also a link with the types and the seasons ... also something I've experienced – I often naturally do well in the fall (when Vata dominates) and it's easier for me to be out of balance in the winter (when Kapha dominates) ... For me, the question will be this winter and how I'm able to get through it – I already knew this was going to be my test and hopefully now I have a few more tools to help me successfully go through it. The links that I knew intuitively are now more concrete, which somehow makes it more tangible and manageable. I feel much more confident.

And then when we would get confused, the Dr. and Rajiv would come back to their net, net ... eat when you're hungry, drink when you're thirsty and sleep when you're tired – and of course, when they say this, the food is healthy and the drink is water ... :-)

November 8th - I'm Really, Really Happy

To coin one of my phrases, today was truly lovely. All day I've felt happy – I've had this smile – almost like a secret smile between me and the world. With the one exception of talking to Expedia where I got annoyed and hung up ... clearly, still need to work on the anger thing – and I think the trick is in my approach – how do I start the conversation? Am I expecting to be annoyed or optimistic that they want to and will be able to help me? Laura provided me with a real reminder of the power of approach – she goes in assuming the best and people respond – it's a positive place to be. She and I had dinner on our own tonight as Gavin was out with the other teachers – and we shared our usual laughs.

Afterward, I realized just how happy I was – the only expression I could come up with was 'I am in love with life' – and it does honestly feel that way. It is a real feeling, in my chest, in my heart. Before when I've felt anxious, I get this 'pit' feeling above my stomach right below my rib cage. But this is a full feeling right in my chest – in my heart – a sense of expansion. I'm sure some of this is due to all the yoga 'pudding' I've been dining out on these last 7 weeks (Rajiv's expression for the good feeling you can get from yoga, the science). And I honestly believe it is more than that – an ease, a contentment, an openness, a joyfulness - that's the word – I feel joy – I'm laughing out loud – I'm happy, really, really happy. And I feel open to the possibilities of the future and I believe in the possibilities of the future. I have emotion in my throat and tears in my eyes as I write this. As I said, I'm in love with life.

I was in Bali last November and I had a very strange experience towards the end of my time there. I met a man, Indian man actually, in an internet cafe and we started chatting – it went from simple discussion of the web to him reading my hand ... He was very intuitive and correct on a number of things in my past and present but with regards to my future, he wasn't optimistic. The basic message seemed to be that I had to do something radically different and soon or I was not going to have a happy life – I would continue down the path I was on – and prior to that year, in truth, I hadn't been really, really happy. I only told one person about this experience – I just locked it away and haven't thought about it until just now. It is only as I reflect on where I am now that I wonder – have I done enough? have I changed enough? will my future be different than he predicted? You can gufaw and chuckle and think what a load of huey ... and 9 times out of 10 I'd be right there with you ... but now, the way I'm feeling right now, I think I have – I see a path of where I want to go, how I want to live my life, what I want to feel – it will take work and effort for me to get there and I have no doubt, it will be hard at times. But I'm ready – I know I'm ready to be really happy – and I know the effort is worth it. Bring on my life.

November 6th - I Swam In The Ganga ... A Great 'Day Out'

Today took me back to elementary school – we had a 'field trip' ... the day started at 6.15am, loaded up into two buses with our 'bus leaders' ... and we were off. First stop – a temple, up, at the very top (5,000 ft approx.) of a long twisty road on a hill above Rishikesh – with amazing views of the Himalayas – again, wow. The only slight hiccup ... no washrooms ... and I was desperate ... so with a kind look out service, I found a bush – very happy, until I pulled my clothes up ... and realized I had a bottom full of thorns ... literally ... in all layers of clothing, everywhere ... the lesson, look behind as well as in front ... :-)

Then to Rishikesh itself ... and swimming ... the town is right on the Ganga and above the town, the water is incredibly clear so off we went ... we found a spot on a beautiful bit of the river, clear blue green water with amazing sand – soft and white. A few of the guys were right in and another woman and I wanted to go in ... however, custom dictated we be fully clothed ... and neither of us had brought extra bottoms ... agh because for some reason, I really wanted to go in ... but with a little creative borrowing, we solved the problem and I had the most amazing 5 minutes in the river. For cold water, I am normally a dip your toe in kind of gal and go in, if at all, very slowly, an inch at a time – but here, I was in, in 10 seconds flat and happy as a clam! Unfortunately, we were short on time so it was a very quick dip, change and then we were off. But – again, wow – just an amazing experience! I could have happily spent the day just there – I will be back.

Late, we then rushed through Rishikesh to our second stop ... only to discover that we had an hour there. Rishikesh is the mecca for yoga with what seemed like every second building offering classes or teacher training. So there was lots of explore and I had absolutely no desire. The town is definitely smaller and more manageable than others but there are also more 'touts' – all wanting you to buy something and not taking a polite no for an answer – my least favorite energy. The streets were busy and there were a remarkable number of other westerners – so while I'm sure you can find the quieter parts of the town and hang out, I was glad I'd made my earlier decision not to come between courses. Instead a few of us found a cup of tea and a few minutes of peace before realizing we were late again and boogying off to meet the bus. We were on a definite schedule – but the next stop was key ... lunch - we'd been warned there would just one meal and by then, it was early afternoon and I (and I have to believe everyone) was starved. The lunch didn't disappoint – delicious – two helpings nicely satisfied my craving for palak paneer before I leave :-) and then a lovely musical interlude in a garden on the banks of the Ganga – hard to go wrong.

Our final destination was Haridwar – first up a gondola to some temples, one of which was for Hanuman, the god of breath – just a little relevant for yoga ... I had a blessing and it was special – I don't know why exactly but it was, I felt something. Then it was a repeat of the sunset puja I'd seen before ... though somehow after 7 weeks in India I could appreciate it much more. And at the same time, money came back into play ... I had a small basket of flowers to offer and so you're meant to go put your basket (with a candle and 2 sticks of incense burning) in the river – but then these guys take you down and ask questions as if to bless or pray with you and then say, just as you're about to put the flower in ... minimum 100 or 200 rupees ... huh??? I didn't have any small money e.g. 10 or 20 rupees so I said I had no money – needless to say, the guy wasn't particularly happy but at least he left me alone. And so I did get a chance to offer my private prayer and send the flowers off. It was cool.

It was an absolutely action packed ,whirlwind of a day – brilliant stops and so very different experiences all crammed in. A final bus ride home with more songs and the perfect end to a really lovely day. Thank you Rajiv and Swati.

November 2nd - Susan vs. Sue

Growing up and with my family I was always Susan ... except for one brother to whom I've long been Sue (I can still see the poster he did for me when I was reluctantly running for student council president – very simply ... Vote for Sue ...) Then in university, through one friend I met the first week, I became Sue – and then in London, my first friends were from university, so I was Sue socially. I've always been Susan at work – except for one manager to whom I became Sue naturally. Back in Vancouver I was Susan – though ever since my niece and nephew were born, I've been Auntie Sue (my favorite title – and Auntie Susan? Nope, not me ...) and so now increasingly I'm Sue with the rest of my family ... except for my mother ... I've never been Suzy or Suzy-Q ... and if you know me, it's pretty clear why ... though I'm Suz to an Uncle who can get away with it :-)

At this point, by all rights you will be wondering – just how schizophrenic am I ... I'm not honest ... but I have been wondering over the last year, just what is in a name? I was Susan in Africa and seriously considered introducing myself as Sue in India ... almost to test the theory – which name am I? But missing orientation killed that idea as I then just instinctively introduced myself as Susan. But then naturally, I became Sue to a few people here.

I like being called Sue – it is more informal and in many ways more me right now – will I ever introduce myself as Sue, I'm still not sure – but I do like and appreciate it when people call me that – it's almost like they see a little more of the real me ... either that or they just like giving people nicknames :-) Though with my French friends I'll stick with Susan – sounds much nicer than Sue with the accent! And then I wonder, to what extent does it matter? Does it need to be one or the other? The answer to both - not much and no ... Other than keeping straight who I am when sending emails, any name is good ... other than maybe 'hey you' ...

So really what is in a name? If nothing else, hopefully a slightly amusing blog post ... :-)

October 31st - This Yog Is For Me

I do agree with Rajiv – though as he would say, it is not a question of agreeing but simply of understanding fact – yog is about personal transformation. I started five years ago for the body – I wanted to get in better shape and needed something that would help give me balance. And it was the perfect excuse for the weekly Saturday brunch with a very good friend that followed :-) Over the first couple of years, the yoga shifted from being about brunch to actually being about the yoga and then two years ago, I realized I wanted to find the ever illusive 'quiet mind'.

One of Rajiv's topics for today's asana class was ease ... and the example of the older woman who may look 40 from the front but 90 from behind ... and as he say's “that's after the facelift but before they start botox ...” The message is clear – we need to be at ease with our age and our bodies and in our lives. And I am increasingly finding that ease ... I am more calm ... and it is lovely.

Not always though ... like when I get to be Swati's example of what not to do in an asana, then my ego is definitely alive and kicking, together with my pride for my teachers at home – they don't deserve the “this is the problem with how you are being taught in the west” label ... as I say about this blog, this reflects only me, not anyone else ... and yet I feel like I am letting them down ... that need to please, pride, ego, recognition ... all normal human emotions ... and yet I am so much happier when I can let them go ... and truly be at ease. The good news, I'm becoming more present and aware of when I'm not at ease ... when I've been in an ugh, ugh, ugh moment, and I tell my self to breath – just breath and try to find the calm in the breath, remarkably enough I found it, felt calmer and again, more at ease. So how do I keep this sense of ease outside of Rajpur? One of Rajiv's other lessons is how the mind is hungry for inputs – and in our search for the quiet mind, a fundamental tool is how we control what is 'input' – through all 5 of the our senses. Something I completely get - and prompts good questions for life at home ...

So I'm definitely feeling on this path of transformation, and I have to thank both Swati and Rajiv, but especially Rajiv. Why? Well, I've started typing this sentence 5 times ... how do I summarize Rajiv? ... dedicated – yes, opinionated - yes, single minded – absolutely, open – not always, passionate – without a doubt, belief in what he's teaching and it's importance – unquestioned. I've so enjoyed his classes – this mixture of asana and talks – always with a message, inevitably an expression I wish I could remember afterward and so often these pearls of wisdom that I reflect on further. I've also learned from Gavin just how much his teaching is based on that of Prashant (Mr. Iyengar's son) whereas Swati teaching is based on Geeta's (Mr. Iyengar's daughter). Geeta has taken the precision of Mr. Iyengar's work forward whereas Prashant's focus is more philosophical and strongly incorporates the breath. Unfortunately it seems that many western teachers, and often women, gravitate to Geeta's style – and I've seen it myself in that most teacher's I've had mention Geeta but I've rarely if ever heard Prashant mentioned. I'm hoping that changes because while the teaching of Geeta is critical, it is Prashant's, through Rajiv, which I've found most illustrative and transformative.

So why the heading for this blog? Prior to this retreat, people have asked me if I want to teach yoga and I haven't been sure – it didn't jump out at me but I didn't discount it either. I said that I thought this course would help me answer that question. There are aspects of teaching that I enjoy – I do tend to study the yoga – my way of practicing – but it is not my passion in the way it is for the teachers I respect – and the way I discovered in Africa that math is for me. I get a huge amount out of yoga personally but I don't get nearly as excited by it as I do explaining multiplication or quadratic equations (crazy I know ...) – and I know to be a good teacher, which of course is what I'd want to be, I need to have a passion for what I teach. So I think that answers that question – this yog is for me, for my ongoing personal journey and transformation. To help me live the kind of life I want to live and be the person I want to be. To live my live with grace, gratitude, generosity, openness and love. And I'm very happy with it this way.

October 29th - "Local" Days

In many ways, today was just like any other day – asana class in the morning, special muesli with the group and some writing, followed by time on the internet. But what made the day different was that I finished my last two posts for my Africa chapter of my blog and then uploaded all my Africa blog postings – yeah – I was done! I have been working hard at this for the last two weeks and it feels really good to get it done. I celebrated by heading into to town and getting a very, very long overdue pedicure! A week ago, I'd been waiting for the bus into town when a woman stopped and offered me a lift. She spoke good English and we discovered quickly she also had ties to Vancouver – she and her husband had visited and had their permanent residency but hadn't yet decided to move. She ran a local beauty salon / school where she trained hearing impaired students to be beauticians who then staffed the salon before moving on to other jobs.

Anyway, I'd been meaning to go by for a few days, as after effectively 4 months in flip flops and no pedicure after Africa, my feet were a disaster – heel cracks closely resembling the Grand Canyon ... The treatment was lovely – I have happy feet again! I also had the chance to talk to her and one of the staff – the receptionist, who was studying to be an aeronautic engineer and will be off to Scotland in a few years to further her studies – I thought this was great. And an interesting discussion on how India is developing, especially for women – people no longer have time for the full week wedding celebrations – maybe 2 or 3 days max – or even married in a courthouse ... arranged marriages decreasing - “love is in the air” I think was her direct quote! I also flipped through an Indian edition of Glamour – what struck me? the advertisements for skin lightening treatments – the lightness of the skin of the models – as Rajiv said on another occasion, "do these models look Indian?" They didn't in this magazine either. And then the fashion spreads – I wasn't sure where some of these clothes would be worn with the degree of leg, arms and cleavage being shown ... certainly not in Rajpur or Dehradun ... I'm getting more curious to see Dehli ... just how modern is India getting? And where? And is modern really the right word - I think western might be more accurate ...

The next day, I went back to Purkal – an organization in a nearby village started by a retired couple. It is quite incredible ... they have two operations ... one is a center for woman where they teach them to quilt, facilitate their production of quilts and other products and essentially provide them with economic independence. The second operation is a school for local kids where they directly provide education to the younger kids and then support the education of the older children e.g. pay school fees, provide uniforms and clothes for the cold, two meals a day and a place where they can come after school to continue their studies. It is quite amazing and again, I'm so impressed with the kids – they are bright, curious, and appreciative of the opportunity – with great smiles and laughs. We had been here the first term with the full group but this time just 3 of us went and it allowed us to learn much more about the organization's programs as well as spend time with the kids. It reminded me of how much I enjoyed Africa – getting to know the kids and contributing something to their development. Overall, it is an experience I want to repeat – be it Africa or India or somewhere else - for at least 3 months – to see the development and become more a part of the local community. Though when I learned that the year 10s were doing calculus, I realized I might have to brush up on a few math skills first ...

So all in all, both were great days – and I appreciated getting a little closer to the local life in India. There is so much to learn and I have so many questions ... won't all be answered this trip ... just more to continue to discover when I return.

October 27th - Me & Money

I do have a funny relationship with money and it's something I've been thinking about recently. I have memories growing up of never wanting to ask my parents for money ... the example that always jumps out is dreading to ask my mom for the cheque for ballet. And I honestly don't know why I had this feeling – it was never anything they did – they were always very supportive and happily wrote the cheque – it was entirely in my head. And somehow it is still linked to my current attitude with money ... I know I can be cheap – and here, especially in the second term, I've gotten very cheap ... almost as if it is a contest to see how cheaply and by default simply I can live? It's like I don't need anything more than the very basics – breakfast out, quick internet sync, dinner of dal, rice and a veggie and a cup of tea after. I don't feel the need to buy the different nice beans or the dessert or the chilis or extras and wouldn't if it was just me. And when others do, I have this momentary – why?? Is it really necessary?? And then I try the chick peas ... and I enjoy them and the variety from the usual dal ... and the chutney is tasty ... and I certainly don't turn down the sweets for dessert ... so why do I have even the momentary thought of why? I don't know. And the irony, what became the after dinner ritual with both Richard and Gavin and Laura of after dinner tea and sweets, I really enjoyed and wouldn't have changed. I didn't need it but I enjoyed it.

Some of it is about control – and reinforced with my budget and how I'm tracking my spending (yup – xls file with many tabs and some might say, a slightly excessive level of detail ...) but control of what, again I'm not sure. Watching my spending has also been interesting – definitely providing more restraint and some good questioning of what do I really need ... yes, I can live simply and I do not need a lot. And at the same time, I don't want to give a false impression of me and austerity ... my mother taught me the important lesson of buying quality ... and I do like nice things, as my shoe collection will testify. Money sainthood does not live here. And it is a good thing to be more conscious of my money – something I've avoided in the past – so something definitely to take forward – and at the same time, try and understand a few more of the whys in what I do ...

Another money related thing I've found disconcerting in India has been feeling like I need to stay alert to getting taken advantage of ... whether it's a creative attempt to get another 50 rupees a night for the room I was in the first term, or the rapidly disappearing soap or rice ... it doesn't help my trust ... and my instinct goes to start with suspicion, which is often not proved valid ... and so why not start with assuming the best? Even if proved otherwise, how much is it really – and isn't it worth it? And yet, I have this visceral, blood boiling reaction when I think I'm being taken advantage of ... but what does it really give me? How much is it really? Again, how do I want to live my life? It's my choice, and the answer when put like that is easy ... with more generosity and with the ability to ask for what I want – financial or otherwise.

October 25th - Socks With My Birkenstocks ...

I know I promised I wouldn't but I have a good reason, honest ...

The alternative title for this blog was 'I finally found the perfect weather' ... but I thought the Birkenstocks comment might be a little more entertaining ... but really, it is all about the weather ...

The rainy season with it's hot and muggy weather lasted about a week ... we had a couple of good thunderstorms ... I love the rain – it brings out the smells of the garden and clears the air – and if only it drowned rather than breeded the mosquitoes, would be quite perfect!

And then it turned into was has become my perfect dream weather ... gorgeous clear blue skies, day after day after day – crisp and energizing in the mornings, cool in the evenings and bright and warm (e.g. high 20s) during the day. Perfect for yoga in the morning, to sit and read/write in the afternoon and wonderful for sleep at night. Absolutely perfect. And the icing on the cake, these wonderful breezes (the wind is my favorite element – nature's air conditioner and perfect whether giving relief to the sun and the heat or whipping up a blustery storm that can push you along with it's power at the side of the ocean or in the middle of a field). I do realize I'm going on a bit rapturously (5 perfects so far) ... but after all my travels, especially in the warmer climates, I've become a bit of a connoisseur ... like the littlest of the three bears searching for the weather that is "juuussst right" - and this, for me is that :-)

And now the weather is continuing to change ... still fundamentally the same with the blue skies day after day, now just that little bit colder in the mornings and at night ... for the first time in over 4 months, I have been cold – yeah!!!! If I have to choose between too cold and too hot, I'll go with too cold – much easier to add a second or third layer (e.g. socks) than take off the first ... well I suppose it depends on the company :-)

October 25th - 2nd Term ... This Tortoise's Head is Pulling In

Walking around Rajpur the last few days, I started to see new 'foreign' faces ... has to be new students ... the reality of the 2nd term starting is at hand ... Orientation was the afternoon before the first class – I had missed it last time and was curious to experience it. Turned out to be pretty straight forward – name, country, how many years studying and with whom. There were 45 people this term – the hall was full to the extent I couldn't see about a third of the faces down the same side. Another very international crowd – the usual Brits, some Americans, Australians and then Polish as well as Columbian, Malaysian, Brazilian. I continue to be grateful that I already know people and am not starting from scratch.

I hadn't yet met my new housemates and when they introduced themselves, I couldn't see their faces so after the session, it was a bit of a guessing game as to who they might be ... we connected and they are lovely – Gavin is English, an Inyengar teacher as well as a marine scientist (really not sure on the details here ...) living in the UK and Laura is Italian living in London learning English.

A few days in and the routine is emerging ... different from the first term as there are no more naps required and instead I am focused on my blog and getting to practice each day. I still go to Amdo's for breakfast and am enjoying getting to know the new people that have discovered it. I'm also discovering places to write – I still enjoy my outdoor kitchen but I've added to it with the woman's center (they provide training to local women in baking and sewing and then sell the products) which has a good little cafe with amazing views over the valley and my favorite, the pergola on the roof of the yoga center which has incredible views of the valley and Swati's garden and the most amazing gentle air that just breezes by. I'm writing about 3 hours a day, enjoying it and feeling very productive - almost like I am at 'work' – a little surreal to say the least ... and also reassuring :-)

The yoga has been great – there are similarities to how the first course began, but more often, it seems like we are starting from where the last course ended, especially in the pranyama. Rajiv used this great analogy for pranyama the other day - that of a tortoise ... we arrive at class very much 'head out' and then through the breathing, the head goes in and we achieve a very different state (“yoga pudding” is one of his descriptors I like) ... and then class ends and the head starts to reemerge. I've found the analogy also works for me with the 2nd Term - my 'head' is pulling in. At the start of the 1st term I felt a need to get to know people, socialize and be part of the group – to an extent that surprised me. But this term, I don't have that same need at all. I'm much more comfortable on my own, being with me and I'm finding the days are much more about me, my reflections, what I want to do. So, other than the hello/good bye with people before/after class, my breakfast at Amdo's, connecting at practice or the internet and dinner with Gavin and Laura – I'm good. It's a nice balance. I also know it is largely due to the regularity and intensity (more intense than we think) of the yoga and pranyama – and I am loving the head space that it is putting me in.

October 21st - My Yoga 1/2 Way Through

The expectation here is that in addition to the classes, students will practice on their own during the afternoons. It wasn't until over half way through the course that I made it to self practice – as I was just getting back into yoga, the first two weeks, the classes were more than enough. My own self or home practice is something I've struggled with ever since I started doing yoga – I just haven't been able to find a rhythm at home – or a space. When I have done it, I find I struggle to know 'what to do next' or else do the same routine of poses and get bored ... finding my own intuition of the poses has been hard, especially combined with the fact that there are, if not rules, then strong suggestions of how poses should be sequenced that I just don't know. I would like to learn – taught might be the more accurate word as of course - I'm sure if I picked up a book I could find out but somehow, I just haven't got there ...

My understanding of the importance of self practice has shifted dramatically – mostly as I realize the difference between 'class' and 'practice' – 'class', especially Iyengar I believe, is just and only that, 'class' whereas 'practice' is personal – doing the asana that you need to do when you need to do it. Per Rajiv, every time you step on the mat, you are different – it is a different time of day, time, you are in a different place mentally, physically, spiritually – and therefor, your practice needs to be different – is mobility or stability more important? Do you need to be grounded, energized or calmed? Etc. etc. The challenge is understanding yourself enough in the moment and then doing the asana that is right for you in that moment. And that is what I'm trying to explore and practice – especially here where I have access to this wonderful space. At the beginning, I definitely struggled ... 'what to do' ... and so I'd look to others for ideas ... and eventually I started to get a feel ... I've been everyday during the break and enjoyed it – look forward to going and have this space, clarity and spring in my step walking home. I'm looking forward to continuing to explore my practice in the 2nd term and taking advantage of the space (literal and figurative) right from the beginning.

In terms of what I'm “working on” - I've had a couple of realizations over the first term. Keeping my back straight (versus hunched) and chest open is my challenge – there is no doubt. I'm getting better but it is going to take time. Also, how I stand – well lean more descriptively – very forward on my toes – upper thighs / groins forward versus back – something to be conscious of and try and shift. And then there is my lower back and the price it seems to have paid thanks to my posture ... usually convex or concave, very rarely straight ... which has to contribute to my lower back pain in certain poses. And some of those poses aren't my faves – and funnily enough, they also seem to have an open chest in common e.g. backbends, suptavirasana, setu bandha ... highlights the age old question – do I do what is easy and I like or do I do what is more challenging but I need ... I'm ready to work more on the former.

And finally pranyama ... the breathing ... something I've long struggled with and was looking forward to spending time on. Rajiv teaches most of the pranyama classes – and they are unlike anything I've done before. The first term has been almost exclusively about “long, slow, deep exhalations” while in restorative asanas – more comparative yoga – encouraging us to increase our awareness and understanding of the breath in different poses. I struggle – to find the really deep breath versus my more shallow and to find the rhythm of the breath. I've been exploring this during practice – to just witness my breath – and I realized that when I've practiced on my own, I count my breath as a way to know how long to be in a pose – so now I'm trying to stop counting and just witness ... and what I find myself witnessing, is not necessarily my breath, but my mind wandering (at times best described as a whirling dervish) ... ah yes, that quiet mind – so elusive.

The good thing is, I am becoming much more aware of 'my' practice and I still have another 3 weeks to continue to grow the awareness as well as experiment and play with it – and hopefully feel the effect on my body, my breath and my mind.

October 18th - The Break Between Courses

I have 5 days off before the next course starts and ever since I arrived, I've been trying to decide what to do ... actually hesitating might be the better word. Initially I decided to stay in Rajpur for a couple of days to experience Diwali and then head to Rishikesh. Rishikesh, an hour away, on the Ganga and been called the 'home' of yoga with many ashrams, yoga classes, teacher training – yoga wise, you name it, they have it. I also heard it was a good place to just hang out and relax. All seemed good, I even had a line on places to stay. But then, this hesitation was just lingering away in my gut – it was twofold – I'm so enjoying the personal sense of quiet that I've found in Rajpur, I don't want to lose it in a bigger city and two, I don't think I want to go on my own ... and if I'm honest, that's the bottomline. India and all of it's people, traffic and noise still intimidates me ... and so part of me says that that is then why I should go ... but two days before I was to go, I decided not to – and immediately, my gut felt right. It's the right decision for me right now.

So I stayed in Rajpur and hung out ... up, breakfast, internet, writing/ reading, practice in the afternoon, dinner, (cooked my own stir fry ... and it was good!) reading/ writing and bed. Perfect. I was missing either a little human connection or pop culture and so found a book in the room to read ... pure trashy Sydney Sheldon fiction ... made me think of my Grandmother ... I was done in 24 hours and will admit, as embarrassing as it might be, it hit the spot! And then I got serious ... I did actually – with my blog. I realized that I had a huge amount of work still to do on Africa, let alone India, and the time was rapidly passing. So I buckled down and got focused. I can be the queen of procrastination at times … it's an art form I've perfected ... However, I am also a pro and hitting the deadline, a little like a bulls eye dart shot ... really just in time ... but it is not necessarily a great way to work – to say the least. I know it is part of 'who I am' so I'm realistic about how much I'm really going to change ... but I would like to see if I can practice being a little more focused and productive. I tell you, not having wifi immediately to hand definitely helps. I'm also realizing that I will flip to something else when something is blocking me with what I'm trying to do in the minute ... so the challenge is knowing when I truly need space from the task versus just pushing through. I was halfway though Africa by the time the break ended – and it felt good.

I've thought many times this last week how very lucky I am to be able to stay for two courses – I am so not ready to leave yet. It took me time to settle in and I feel like I have been hitting my stride in the second half of the course – and just want to continue to ride this wave I'm on and see where it takes me. I'm enjoying it so much I've even has these crazy thoughts of could I stay and just be here for 6 to 8 months? It is a great place to write ...and that amount of time from a yoga perspective would truly be trans-formative ... realistically, no I couldn't ... and yet, if I really wanted to, yes I could – not the way I normally think about what I would normally consider 'way out there' possibilities ... feels like I am opening and expanding my mind about what really are the options and possibilities ... kinda cool.

The only downside of this time is that I am sad to see people leave – it's been a really good group – nice, fun, interesting people from all over – great energy in the room. The good news is that 12 of us staying on for the next course – and as they are lovely people who I really enjoy the company of, I'm grateful – it will be nice to have that basis of familiarity for the second course. Richard unfortunately, is not one of those staying – he is back to his family and real life in Israel – with a significant amount of shopping completed! He knows India so well and was prepared to take full advantage of it while here ... everything from clothes for his wife, books (very cheap) for his daughter and new jeans, glasses and a trip to the dentist for himself! The reality is that the economic comparison is good – I almost made it to the dentist but somehow couldn't bring myself to let that oh so most favored part of reality in to my happy place in Rajpur ... :-)

October 17th - Patanjali's B'day & Diwali

Patanjali, seen by some as the 'father' of yoga, compiled the yoga sutras, over 5,000 years ago, which outline the philosophy, intent and practice of yoga. In traditional Iyengar yoga, we start the class / practice with an invocation to Patanjali and each year, Swati and Rajiv host a party in celebration of his birthday – and this year it also marked the last day of this first course.

Preparations began 2 days before – and involved two key tasks for us – 3 large sand paintings (e.g. 2 about 4 ft by 4 ft) on the bricks outside the hall and decorating the inside with many, many garlands of flowers. We started with the drawings – first the pattern was laid in chalk and then we filled it in with incredibly vibrant colored sand - it was like coloring ... and just as hard to stay in the lines as a 3 year old with crayons! Then on the day of the event came the flower stringing – at the start it was hard to conceive how this huge bag of orange marigolds would be strung ... but they were, interspersed with shiny green leaves, and by the end of the day they were hanging down and across the windows and along the walls of the studio with extra flowers stuffed into the rope hooks on the wall and strewn on the window sills – it looked beautiful. Somehow I'd been given the task of making flower garlands for the two deities in the room – one to Ganesha (god of wisdom and overcoming obstacles) and one to Hanuman (god of breath) – it felt like real responsibility - thankfully I had help! We had permission to raid Swati's garden for other flowers in addition to the marigolds - my favorite were the purple thistles. Then it was decorating the gods and 'flower stuffing' after the discovery that all the space on and around the gods needed to be filled – so more garden shopping ... By accident, we used these beautiful big tree blossoms – which were initially white when we picked them – but by the time of the event, they'd changed into a mauve purple – it was quite stunning. It was a fun couple of days – the nicest part was just hanging out with the other students and Rajiv and Swati in a very relaxed and informal atmosphere – a treat.

There were about 100 people at the celebration which started late afternoon - first, our invocation and an extended chant to Patanjali. This was followed by a real treat – a world renown musician who plays one of the traditional Indian instruments (unfortunately, the name escapes me ...) performed. The best way to describe it is a very long thin and guitar like instrument supported by two very large orange gourds (like pumpkins) so there is height and he can sit with his feet underneath it. He plays it by strumming the strings and moving a glass ball over them that creates sound vibrations – it was like nothing I've ever seen or heard – just beautiful. This was followed by dinner in the garden and then the good byes started as people were leaving to catch trains. Between this and the group dinner in Dehradun the night before, there was a lovely completion and closure to the course.

Two days later it was Diwali – one of the most important Indian holiday of the year ... the Festival of Lights where the triumph of good over evil or the inner light of an individual is celebrated. One of the traditions of the holidays is cleaning the buildings so that lights can be lit in every room – so for the week before the holiday, all kinds of tidying, sprucing up and painting was evident in houses and stores alike followed by the hanging of lights – it made me think of Christmas. People were also out buying new clothes to wear and the sale of sweets and fireworks was booming! Richard and I made our early morning trek to Missourie on the morning of Diwali and the mood on the street was one of fun and good wishes. Then at practice that afternoon, Rajiv invited those that could make it up to Swati's mother's hotel in Missourie for the celebration. With no concrete dinner plans, I said I'd go – even if on my own (good for me and surprisingly easy) – though it was nice when another couple were also able to join :-) It was a great evening – a traditional prayer service followed by a big bonfire and fireworks in the garden, and concluded with an excellent meal – and it felt very special to be able to participate in a family celebration. On the drive back we could see all the fireworks going off across Dehradun – not one or two big shows but hundreds / thousands as the fireworks go off family by family, house by house. We stopped the car a couple of times, turned off the lights and engine and just watched – it was a magical show.

PS I'm still having trouble loading pictures to the blog but I've uploaded a bunch from both celebrations to Facebook.

October 15th - Our Days Off

We've had three days off this course and while I'm not sure their purpose is to go swanning off exploring nearby towns ... that does seem to be what happens, at least initially! In the first few days I'd made friends with a French woman living in New Caledonia and a Macedonian living in London – and over tea, plans were formed and dates set.

The first adventure with one, plus another 2 from the course, was to go to Haridwar – about an hour and a half away, on the Ganga (the Ganges) and a very religious place ... I hope you're not expecting the full correct info about the place, if so, might I suggest wikipedia.com ... :-) I enjoyed just seeing a smaller Indian city – and within 10 minutes it was confirmed, all the same chaos of the bigger city just on a slightly smaller scale! We had a good lunch and wander down the main street before taking a gondola up the hill to a temple – which I have to say felt a little like my experience at the Vatican Museum ... be a lemming and follow the stream of people going by the different shrines and for 10 rupees, being blessed at each. (Editors note: Just a little cynical I know - basically, I didn't know enough at the time to understand or appreciate what I was experiencing – and there were a lot of people, which is never my favorite experience. I'm not sure I know a lot more now, but I definitely have more appreciation.) The main event we were there to see was the sunset Puja (prayer service) on the Ganga – both sides of the banks lined with concrete steps down to the river and filled with people from all over India offering their prayers – either in baskets of flowers or pieces of paper that were consolidated, set alight and then afloat on the river. It didn't last long – and it was really quite magical in the evening light. What was less magical unfortunately was the Ganga – it was very low and dirty – that didn't seem to stop people swimming in it or fishing for things in the garbage ... or a couple of us dipping our feet in – it is meant to cleanse past impurities which seemed a little ironic at the time but here's hoping :-)

After Haridwar, it took me a few days to come back 'down' to the quiet of Rajpur, so on our second day off I decided to stay put and just enjoy the day in Rajpur. It was lovely: breakfast and stories with Richard, connected with my family via skype, lunch with my French friend (and a great discussion on yoga and sabbaticals – she's been through a similar journey to my own and had some great advice), some errands and then I made it to the studio for self practice. All day I've had this lovely spring in my step – it's been with me the last few weeks – either walking to yoga in the morning or down the hill to breakfast or errands - and just appreciating everything from the air, to the hills, to the sky, to just being here. I'm very grateful.

Our last day off, we headed up to Missourie, a town just above Dehradun – it is built into the hills such that parts reminded me of the Greek towns built into the cliffs. It is a lovely little spot – much smaller and quieter than Haridwar. You stroll from one end to the other and we had a good putter – did some shopping, had a great lunch and then at the coffee shop, ran into a larger group of students who had done the 3 hour walk up ... maybe next course ... You can get a view of the Himalayas from a hill just beyond the town but only early in the morning – so when the course was over Richard and I caught the local bus at 6.30am and made our way up. The air was crisp and clear with great views as we walked - so impressive – made me want to get closer and also showed their remoteness and fierceness - still I'd be tempted to try ...

October 13th - Anticipating Movies

I've been thinking about movies a fair bit recently – not counting my long haul flights, it has been three and a half months since I've been in a movie theater ... now that may not be a long time for you, but for me, it is starting to feel like forever! I love the movies – really, really, really love the movies!

On the other hand, I haven't given a thought to not seeing the seasons premier of Grays Anatomy – even though I've heard it mentioned frequently – one of Rajiv's favorite references ... “not everything is as simple or can be solved as easily as in Gray's Anatomy ...”. TV historically has been an escape for me - and also a way to almost 'fill up' my life at times ... but traveling, I haven't had the option - and I haven't missed it in the least - I've had things I've wanted to do more and bottom line, I haven't needed the 'noise' - my life's been full and not something I've needed to escape from – very cool indeed.

Movies, however, are different – and while I've thought of them less as I've settled in here, I still can't wait to go see a film when I get home. Yes, I love the movies and I think it is a sign that I'm getting ready to be home. Anticipation I think they call it ... it happened today in a different form as well. I'm sitting working away on emails and all of a sudden I think of something to add to my 'to do' list ... but this time it's a Vancouver to do ... normally, my lists are for when I'm next in London or preparing for my next trip ... but now, it is about what to do when I'm home and the things that are coming to mind all involve taking my life forward – and while I'm not necessarily any closer to knowing what that looks like, I'm looking forward to the process of discovering it – another very cool feeling and almost reassuring to be experiencing :-)

The good news is that I'm back in December – right in time for the release of all the 'Oscar' contenders as well as the damp and gray weather – perfect for a matinee ... all recommendations very welcome and let me know if you're free for a movie or two :-)

October 10th - I Want A Garden

Now that statement will surprise more than a few people, and likely send my mother into shock – but it's true. I've written before about our outdoor kitchen here and how it overlooks on to a lovely garden with then a further view of the surrounding hills. Really incredibly peaceful – and it has only reinforced something that I've been mulling for a bit now ... I want a home with a garden.

When I was buying my home, I had to decide between the house with a garden and mortgage helper or the condo – and was driving my real estate agent mad because I wasn't clear about what I wanted. Then after a yoga retreat in Haida Gwai, I came back very clear that, for that time in my life, the condo was the way to go – bottom-line it was easier, there was the strata to deal with all things maintenance – and my brother pulled out the all too faithful HR trump card ... when in doubt, what would past behavior indicate future behavior to be ... yeah, definitely the condo ...

The funny thing is that when I was looking, I actually found a half house with a garden that I liked and seriously considered making an offer – but it had it's drawbacks and so I didn't and that was right at the time - but the fact that it still sticks with me only reinforces this is the direction I want to go.

And then there is the question all will ask, are you going to look after the garden??? My real dislike for getting my hands dirty is well know – I kid you not, my mother has to find non-dirt related tasks for me when I'm helping in her garden ... But I've had two garden moments on this trip where friends have independently just shoved me in and said go ... and whether it was planting summer flowers with no gloves or digging up root systems and plant roots with gloves ... not only did I survive, but actually enjoyed it and had a real sense of accomplishment at then end ... so I definitely have a few things to learn e.g. how to keep the plants alive is the start – and also, lots of great teachers who will be more than happy to show me the way!

Now, how or when exactly this is going to happen, I'm not sure ... it will influence career decisions as a mortgage will be required ... and I don't want it to be something that ties me down from future traveling ... but at least I'm clear on what I want. Now it's up to me to see how much I want it - and to make it happen if I really do - which i do :-)

October 8th - The Animals of Rajpur

The cows have free reign ... wander as they please (including one who literally went up the steps and into a shop ...). It's like Africa and the goats, I wonder how they tell who owns which one, where it is, how they know to come home ... it also seems to be quite close to calving season – or else there are some very fat cows … it's a little like with someone you think is pregnant but aren't totally sure you should ask ... but I have to believe at least a few of these cows are definitely expecting. And hopefully deliver before I go. By now I'm wanting to pet them as I go by on my way to class in the morning :-)

The monkeys – well let's just say, when I call my niece and nephew "monkey's" I couldn't be more right :-) The ones over here are everywhere causing more than a little mayhem and constantly being chased off properties by caretakers and theoretically the dogs. I've been surprised by just how 'everywhere' they are here and also how much bigger than I've seen in either Bali or Africa – clearly well fed monkeys. Also lots of baby monkeys about – tightly attached to mom when I arrived, but most now starting to explore on their own.

I also have a family of pigs and piglets in the land below our garden ... very cute, then there is the little frog I discovered in my room one night ... as I was sitting on the floor! And the dogs – some lovely ones well looked after and part of the family and others, well less so ...

And finally the ants ... I am not sure which is worse ... the constant stream of ants going along the side of the sink and onto my towel ... or the daily trickle of dead ants that I now have after I admitted defeat and asked for the insecticide ... there is clearly karma at work ... be either at peace with them alive or else removing their little dead bodies after they die ... clearly, I'm not becoming a Hindu anytime soon :-)

I was skyping with a friend today who was off to Seattle shopping ... I could fully picture the roads she'd be walking down, when all of a sudden it seemed quite weird ... but where would the aimlessly wandering cows and monkeys be??? It is going to be more than a little surreal to head back to the streets of the big cities ... I will miss being as close to mother nature as I have been here and in Africa, no matter what lovely little surprises she occasionally has in store for me :-)

October 6th - Day 11 A Very Quiet Relaxed Life

This morning I realized I have finally slowed down, settled into being here and found this lovely relaxed life ... such that I've stopped ticking off the days and started realizing just how few are left in the first course ... my process is always the same :-)

The days starts a little before 7am and by 7.30am I'm at the studio settling in for the 8am Asana class. Two hours later, and I am hungry! A few days in I discovered Amdo's – a Tibetan restaurant where a number of us go for breakfast – for me, a cup of hot honey, ginger and lemon and 'special muesli' – a large bowl of yogurt, fruit, nuts, raisins and honey – perfect and necessary as when we have pranyama in the afternoon, we can't eat after 11.30 or so – so this needs to last through to dinner. The afternoons are typically slow. I may have a local errand or two such as buying veggies, finding the post office to mail postcards or syncing my laptop at the internet cafe and then it is home to read or write or do a little laundry ... or nap :-) I have been tired this first week and it's been a lovely luxury to lie down, read a little and then realize it's two hours later and I need to get going or I'll be late for afternoon class. A tough life I know.

I've read my first fiction book in ages – The White Tiger – and miracle of miracles, I have not read the ending yet ... for those that know me, this is actually an achievement :-) An excellent book which I've really enjoyed – a highly insightful look into the “two India's”, the light and the dark – and it feels especially relevant living in a house with a gardener, cook/housekeeper and laundry woman ... There is also a quote from the book that strongly resonated with me - “you were looking for the key for years, but the door was always open” - to what part of my life, I'm not sure – maybe just to living my life, in which case I'm definitely on the path to finding the open door.

I've been able to reflect more – be more present with myself and my behavior ... such as how I react when something doesn't go my way and I really don't think it's right - case in point, the taxi driver who still wanted to be paid even though he didn't actually have to pick me up from the Dehradun airport that first day ... I got angry and made it perfectly clear I was angry – I could have tried to smile, cajole and bargain or I could have gracefully accepted – after all, we were only talking about $12 - but my instinct was anger and I could feel it in my chest afterward as well as a responsive need for chocolate or bread ... there is a connection I realize ... as I munch away on my travel almonds :-) This control over my anger and my ability to let things go – are both things I'm hoping the pranyama will help with.

A number of times today, I've realized just how happy I am that the yoga center is in a quiet suburb of a city. We can get into Dehradun easily if we want – for the stores or good Indian food (as Richard and I did last night) – but increasingly I find it noisy and chaotic with all the people, cars and horns - after which I am very glad to be back in quiet Rajpur where, with the exception of the occasional car horn, Muslim call to prayer or the weddings late at night (we are in the “season” where the days are especially auspicious for weddings ...), all I hear are animals – birds, dogs, monkeys and the occasional moo from a cow thrown in for good measure!

The end of the day ... dinner after class about 6.30ish – the food is basic and good – and the conversation, exceptional! Richard has the great stories – either of his travels (jumping out of moving trains ...) or his research into ancient numerology within Judaism – the bible stories with their numerical links and meanings are wonderful and truly bring home the point of how linked Christianity, Muslim and Judaism are ... it's fascinating. By about 8.30ish we're finished our tea and a sweet and I'm off to read a little. I've been asleep before 10pm and sleeping really well – right from the start – for which I'm very grateful as it makes all the difference to me – and tells me I've really relaxed and settled into the place.

October 3rd - Day 8 The Yoga ... or is it Yog ...

I've realized that I haven't yet described the yoga studio ... it is beautiful. It is a separate building, behind their house in the middle of a most incredible garden. The studio is perfect: huge open space, brick walls, high ceilings with great fans, large windows north and south with all the props – you can hang in a rope and before shutting your eyes, look at the incredible marigolds just outside.

8 days in and I am so enjoying the yoga - both Swati and Rajiv are excellent teachers, each with their own very distinctive style. Swati's classes are efficient and very focused on the precise instructions for the asanas – her sequences have great flow with a very natural progression from start to end.

Rajiv on the other hand is more philosophical and combines talks with the asanas – put plainly, he is a passionate, inspirational raconteur with a love of yoga in it's purest form – 'yog'. The fundamental question he asks is what are we doing? Is it 'yoga' or 'yog'. To him, what is practiced in the West is 'yoga' – by the body for the body – and it stops there (he is very skeptical – to say the least ... – about what the West has done / is doing to yoga). Whereas the science of 'yog' – as written by Pantajali over 5,000 years ago – has an ultimate goal of transforming the self – and while yes it too starts with by the body for the body, it goes beyond to by the body for the breath, to by the body and the breath for the mind. Progressing beyond just by the body for the body yoga is what he is here to teach over these next three weeks.

The first step in this journey is getting us to focus on the interconnections within the body – yes you can pull up your knee in Trikonasana (triangle pose) and it is by the knee for the knee and you can also adjust your foot and have a similar impact on the knee – by the foot, for the knee. Basically the combinations and permutations are endless ... by the foot for the foot, by the foot for the knee, by the shin for the knee. And yes, the Teacher can guide you to find these connections, but ultimately it is our individual journey and we need to find these connections ourselves – how do we do that? By experimenting – in his words it should be 'Eureka yoga' – how are we aware of the impact on ourselves in the pose of the different actions we take – and how do we 'play' within a pose at our own initiative. Which I believe is part of the reason why there is no hands on corrections in the classes – because in his mind, how can a teacher know when you are experimenting, so if they come along and readjust an arm that was back to be upright again, they could have just disrupted your experiment. Clearly this applies to students who already know the physical poses versus those that are just learning.

The other way that he describes this concept is that we need to understand the 'why' of the 'what'. In a pose, the first step is the 'how' – but then, we need to seek to understand the 'why' – why is the teacher asking us to put pressure on the outer foot of the back leg in standing poses – what is the effect of that on the leg, the hip, the chest, the arm ...

I have to say, I don't feel fully comfortable writing this – I am finding it hard to do justice to the experience of both of their classes – but especially Rajiv's. What he is teaching is new to me – he can be inspirational and I'm loving learning it – and many times, I'm sure I'm only understanding and experiencing a small portion of what he is trying to communicate. So – the usual disclaimer – if I'm getting this wrong, it is me, not Rajiv!!!

NB - I also have to say – I have my special yoga shirt with me that I have worn in yoga classes all through my travels – it reminds me of my yoga 'home' and I love explaining to people the expression on the back :-)

September 28th - Day 3 Finding ATMs in Dehradun

Our first asana class with Swati – it felt like an hour and a half of concentrated leg stretches – it wasn't, but we did spend a lot of time standing with one leg on the wall. I am so appreciative of the fundamentals that both Rajiv and Swati are bringing to these first classes. Because I haven't been doing yoga regularly for a few months, I'm finding my body open to relearning the asanas (poses) without some of my former bad habits ... today in both the leg stretches and Uttanasana it was the importance of rotating the upper thigh back – something I've long struggled with thanks to many years of ballet when I was younger - and today, I could finally really feel it. Very cool indeed.

After class and breakfast, Richard and I took a vikram (6 to 8 people; 8 rupees – 20 cents) to Dehradun – our primary purpose, to withdraw enough money for the course and accommodation fees (India is a cash society) - which proved successful 4 ATM machines and 3 separate cash withdrawls later ... We then explored a bit – first Fab India, a clothes store with very nice traditional (well really they're modern traditional as they are still worn primarily) clothes – Richard bought things for his wife and I bought a traditional shirt to aid my attempts to fit in as best possible. Really beautiful fabrics, especially some of the shawls ... I will be back. Then we found the very western / Italian coffee shop with a comprehensive English bookstore in the back. And finally, Kumars – the small department store with a little bit of everything from food, to sweets, to drug store products, to home wares and even Kraft peanut butter ... It was good to get a sense of what was available 'in town'. Then a motorized rickshaw (2 to 3 people, 100 rupees – $2.30) back and we were home in time for pranyama.

I'm continuing to settle in at the house – the only thing I am really having to adjust to is the village of ants that I share the bathroom with ... this moving black line that I stare at as I brush my teeth ... unfortunately it seems Hindu philosophy is against killing animals ... I'm giving the natural remedies a week before I ask for the bug spray ... Our first few dinners have been good – I have a feeling however that rice, dal, a vegetable dish and two chapatis is going to be my staple meal over the next 7 weeks ... I may be needing a meal out or two along the way :-)

After dinner, back in my room for the evening, I am finding that I am missing 'noise' … it is going to take time to adjust to the quiet – the good news is that my PCs speakers are good and I'm rediscovering the music on my IPOD :-) I don't listen to music often and it is nice to be reminded of how much I enjoy it – normally the TV or internet provide the noise / fill the space first. I'm also not going to have wifi for the first time traveling – and that will be different as I am so used to being 'connected' … however, a little disconnection will be good for me – that is why I am here – to be quieter, to read, be able to reflect more and also catch up on my blog and email.

September 27th - Day 2 What, Where and Who

After another good asana class, it's 11am, I have my banana, yogurt and granola and I'm sitting at our little table in the patio / outdoor kitchen overlooking our garden ... life is good. Though, the weather is incredibly humid and muggy – very thick fog – I now understand why my flight was canceled ... It is the end of the wet season, later than usual – it should start to get dryer and cooler soon – both of which I am looking forward to!

So where am I and what am I doing? Good questions both – I'll start with the second. Rajiv and Swati, husband and wife, have been practicing and teaching Iyengar yoga for over 30 years - studying directly with Mr. Iyengar and since his retirement, with his children, Geeta and Prashant, at the Iyengar Institute in Pune. 8 or 9 years ago, they moved to Rajpur, built their yoga studio and began offering 3 week intensive courses - attracting students from all over the world. The also teach intensives in the US and Europe – I was able to study with both of them during my US trip and so decided to make India the final destination on this 7 month travel adventure of mine. I was accepted into two courses, the 2nd of which will also cover Ayurveda – something I know nothing about but am curious to learn.

Where am I? I am in Rajpur – a small suburb 10 km outside of Dehradun – a larger (500k people) city 225km north east of Delhi I think. We are at the bottom of the foothills of the Himalayas and have lovely views of the hills and valleys from a number of points – there is a lot of green – and bar the occasional car horn or Indian wedding (it's wedding season at the minute), very quiet and peaceful. Rajpur itself goes from the bottom to the top of a large hill – the main road winds it way down with businesses (corner stores, tailors, laundry, a couple of restaurants) and homes along the way – it's a 20 minute walk top to bottom, where the main 'chowk' or business area is with the larger general stores, internet cafes, post office, better priced fruit and veg stands, food stands and buses / vikrams to Dehradun. There is a large Tibetan community here – it's easier to find a Tibetan restaurant than Indian it seems ... though there are excellent samosas at the bottom of the hill :-)

We are incredibly well looked after – there are between 30 to 40 yoga students per course and we all stay in houses a 5 to 15 minute walk from the yoga studio at the top of the Rajpur hill. Some, like me, are in suites within homes – usually of retired couples, often with main homes in Delhi. Others are 7 to 9 yoga students in a house, with a caretaker and their family on the property. Swati and Rajiv also provide us with an information document – everything from local customs (like women don't shake a man's hand – I of course read this after shaking my landlords hand ...), to which vegetable stands have the least 'erratic' pricing, to how much to tip at the end of the stay, to taxi prices etc. etc. I was particularly curious about suggestions they give to women – Rajpur is a very small village and quite traditional and it seems there are very few Westerns in Dehradun – so they do encourage us to dress locally, to go out as a group and not to be out on our own after dark (common sense I suppose but feels a little restrictive at times ...)

So that is the basic set up ... and so far, it's been great. However, I do think life here could be very quiet ... especially with just me and Richard in the house ... and the fact that everyone tends to scatter back to their accommodation after class … and I am a little uncertain about that – imagine that, me the (increasingly former it seems) shy, reserved 'high' introvert, concerned there aren't enough people around – more than a little ironic :-) And it's true. The last 5 weeks, in Africa and London have been high intensity people experiences – and I've really enjoyed them. I will enjoy having a little more time and space to relax (there has been a lovely nap already) – and I am going to have to work harder to make the connections with the other participants (who btw all seem very nice so far). It will be a good challenge for me.

September 26th - Day 1 Getting Settled

The place where I am staying is lovely – the house is on a hill and the two apartments for yoga students are below the main house in the back - I have a large bedroom, walk in closet to store and lock everything and bathroom with western toilet (no toilet paper, but there was a toilet, and yes, I was relieved to see it ...) There is also an outdoor kitchen and common area which overlooks a beautifully manicured, very quiet garden which overlooks the valley. I was very pleasantly surprised – this was going to be better than ok, it was going to be great.

I woke after a good sleep and found the shower – or more accurately the taps with the water that goes into a bucket and then over me via a measuring cup ... I was awake, clean, dressed and ready for class! At which point, my neighbor Richard knocks on my door – time to go. The asana classes are from 8am to 10am most mornings and this morning Rajiv kicked things off. My first class in months – it felt good - very, very good.

After class, hungry, Richard and I headed off to explore and find food. Richard has been here before and knows his way around and what we needed to do – very helpful. We found an empty Indian restaurant for lunch ... unfortunately every 2nd thing we tried to order, they were out of ... including dal – how is that possible, really? But we got food and then went to get supplies. There is a cook on the property who makes dinner for us but we need to provide the ingredients. We decided to put our money in a kitty, discovered we both liked granola for breakfast and bought rice, lentils, vegetables and hopefully the right spices for a good meal or two ... we shall see tomorrow night!

We were back at the studio for our first pranyama class at 4pm with Swati – we'll have pranyama or philosophy half the afternoons. Today was restorative chest openers – a great way to start. I'm really looking forward to reconnecting with my yoga practice – and especially pranyama, with the focus on the breath and the necessity to open the chest to free the breath. I know that opening my chest more is key for me – from a posture perspective as well as from an emotional one – and so I'm curious to develop and see the effects of a more regular pranyama practice – of everything yoga, that is what I want most to be able to take home with me.

The evening was quiet – I had my complimentary meal which I'd missed the night before while Richard fasted (he's Jewish and it is Yom Kippur). Richard is English though lives with his family in Israel. He's had a fascinating life to date with an incredible amount of travel (drove overland India in the 70s I believe) and spent most of his time living abroad – India, Tibet, China and Israel. Our first dinner and we're talking religion ... I am going to enjoy spending time with him and have no doubt we'll have some fascinating conversations! Then I unpacked, did a little writing and was off to bed – a good first day.

September 24th - Off To India

I'm getting to recognize the pattern while I'm in the middle of the experience ... which has to be a good thing. Yes, I'm feeling a little nervous about going to India for 7 weeks. I'm confident about the yoga, less sure about all the time ... there is only so much yoga one can do during the day and then what would I do? Would I get bored? So I packed books I'd been meaning to read – I wanted to use the time productively and was also hoping I'd have the chance to reflect and get clarity on some things ... the big one being what on earth I was going to do after my lovely 18 month sabbatical – the end of which was rapidly approaching ...

I arrived at Heathrow in plenty of time – Terminal 5, not the warmest of buildings but very efficient – waiting at the departure gate, I had the strangest feeling in my stomach – just of unease – for what ever reason I didn't believe this trip was going to go as smoothly as my others had ... and as I'm wandering about the gates with this feeling, I notice the flight in the gate next to mine is going to Vancouver – seriously ... I was more than a little tempted to try and get on ...

The flight to Delhi was fine, visa check, bus to domestic terminal check – all was good. (The bus went through the air field and I notice this huge plane with Uzbekistan on the side … I really was on the other side of the world – and it was just so cool!) Checked in for my flight to Dehradun, found coffee and food and even free wireless – I was set ... and then, my flight is delayed ... ok, no biggy, more email ... but then I see, it's been canceled ... shit – what do I do now???? This is a once a day flight destination ... and I'll admit, panic was starting to set in ... so I go as directed to the check-in and was lucky to meet a German woman on the same flight in the same situation – we agreed to share a taxi and she had been coming to India for years and had a travel agent she trusted – yes it would be long, 7 hours or so, but we'd get there tonight and all would be good ... right ...

We set off – and the first thing the German woman says to the driver is – is this the right car? There had been a misunderstanding ... wrong car (too big / expensive) for the long drive ... so we see a little more of Dehli (absolute chaos) while we changed cars and then headed off. The traffic was absolutely incredible ... cars everywhere – no order – horns going incessantly – just unbelievable and incredibly SLOW. A couple of hours later and we were out of Dehli and in the country side, going along a smaller road. The good news, it was faster. The bad news, our driver tells us this is a road the mafia control after dark and where people are often stopped and robbed ... we're perfectly fine he says, it's daylight ... but of course, as we're approaching dusk, and as we seem to hit every pothole or crash over speed bumps and the car shakes and jolts, all I can think about is what happens if the car gets a flat or worse, breaks an axle or some such ... I put my head back, shut my eyes and breathed – and visualized my New Years Day Open House – finally, we're off the road, both of us relieved and 4 hours of the expected 7 hour journey are done.

We stopped for dinner – large fast food styled place – veggie burger and the bathroom, all good – and back in the car. Then we realize just how much further we had to go ... in 4 hours we'd only done 75km of the 225km journey – you do the math ... We were doing ok – until it got dark – and then it was just scary. The road is chaos all the time, but at least you can see – in the dark, there were many, many times I seriously thought the lights coming straight at us were going to hit. I had stretched out with one foot on the front passenger door handle and the other underneath the front seat – I moved my feet as I realized if we were hit, I didn't want my ankles broken. We were both sitting up straight, holding on to the handle and just tense and quiet for the next 5 hours – time moved very slowly and I have never been so conscious of it – every 15 minutes seemed to tick by.

On the journey, I also realized that this somehow was my karma coming back at me full circle. You see one of the decisions that I'd been going back and forth on at the end of my time in Italy was how to get to Dehradun ... the strong advice on the website was to take the train – frequent, cheap, comfortable and easy and they had a travel agent who would help ... the other options were bus or flights and a taxi was the choice of last resort. I was nervous of traveling by myself in India – because of the crowds, chaos and confusion (not a concern of safety) – and so eventually I decided the $ for the flights was worth it – airports are no problem for me and I would get enough real Indian experiences when I was there for 7 weeks - I thought I was set ... clearly I should have taken the train – seems I was destined for a true Indian experience one way or the other ... Within a week of arriving, I was at the train station buying a ticket for the journey back to Dehli – next time, I'll take the advice and just start swimming in the local experience - I'm learning, just slowly :-)

And then we arrived - somehow seeing signs for Ford and Toyota gave me a sense of comfort :-) We found the yoga center and then the house where I was staying and all was good. It's amazing – there were seriously times when I didn't think we'd make it and then once we were here, that all disappears.

September 20th - More to Life Weekend

I did the More to Life weekend while I was in London – I heard about the program through a friend and it was scheduled for when I'd be in town, so I thought it was meant to be and signed up. It was an interesting experience ... I went into it knowing very little of what to expect. I knew I was on this journey of self discovery and I hoped a formal program now would help me consolidate what I had learned so far and also help me figure out where I was going next – or at least give me some tools I could use. It was another example of not doing a lot of research and just going for it ... unfortunately in this case, it didn't pan out quite as I had hoped.

Unfortunately, I was put off quickly – they wanted us to share and be very open with the large group (e.g. 60+ and microphone required) ... and as much as I'm opening from my introverted shell, it was too much. I also had a reaction to their 'disciplines' – basically a series of do's and don'ts to be followed during the 2.5 days – nothing earth shattering – basics in the room (no watches, food or drink, go to the side of the room when you need to refocus) and out of the room (no alcohol or chocolate, limited coffee and cigarettes). I understood the rationale for this – to be more present, shake yourself out of your normal routine etc. etc. - to use their phrase, to be more 'awake'. I had two reactions – one, it was a good reminder in the moment of just how much I don't like being told what to do ... but two, it was symptomatic of the overall weekend that just felt too scripted and too rah rah for me – so while I did my best to stay open, especially to the tools and to see 'what was next' in each session, I know I shut down at times – at least I was present about it.

On the positive side, the facilitators were very good and one in particular, excellent – she was able to use people's sharing to make connections and uncover deeper learning, for them personally as well as for the group. For example, the difference between doing a good job and being right versus doing one's best – definitely a trip I fall into. The tools they used were also good – being aware of what they call 'mind talk' (what you tell yourself that isn't really true), then 'clearing' it and also working through resentments and forgiveness, of others and yourself. I was able to 'clear' a professional situation and I did appreciate that.

The bottom line was that for some it was incredibly powerful – and I do believe, from the emails that circulated after, that it did change their lives – the programs intent. But for me, I wasn't able to crack into my deeper personal issues – the environment they created or their brand of 'kool aid' just didn't work for me. The good news is that they have a money back guarantee – and so I asked for my money back – an act which in and off itself speaks volumes to my overall development over the last year and a half :-) I had a good conversation and was able to articulate my experience – it felt good and empowering – and also was a testament to the integrity of the organization which I respected.

September 18th - London, A Blur ...

I had 11 days in London between Africa and India – and I was so glad to be here! I love London – and I have such a level of comfort – everything from the trains, to walking down the high street, to Marks & Spencers, to Boots, to a cup of tea, to the pubs ... I just relax and breath more easily. It really is my second home. I have been so lucky to use it as a base for this extended 5 month trip abroad – from two days before we left for Greece to three days in between Italy and Africa to now – it has been my grounding, my coming home before heading off again. I have said, and I truly believe, that I couldn't have done this trip without having it – so thank you so very much to my very good friends who have put me up – I'm more grateful than I can say.

This time in London was different – I had more time – I was looking forward to being able to just hang out and spend time with friends, some of whom I hadn't seen in years - as opposed to just coming in unpacking, doing laundry, another trip to Boots and packing up again. The very short version - it was basically 10 days spent 'chatting' – either over lunch, dinner, coffee, tea, wine, beer, shopping or wheelbarrows of dirt.

The slightly longer version ... 1st day, great pub day – pub (Sunday roast) to pub (scrabble) to pub (cakes and paper) to pub (quiz night) ... to High Wycombe for 2 days landscaping (2 of us moved at min 40 wheelbarrows full of dirt from one end of the garden to another) and great conversations ... fun in London, shopping (I hadn't remembered to bring cold weather clothes ...) and hanging out with a friend on school break ... party dresses on, girls night out – maybe a little trouble was had ... but a very fun night ... More to Life weekend – incredibly intense and more on that later ... starting to think about packing for India ... wonderful catch up with an old friend – talked for 5 hours straight and could have kept going ... great lunch with friend last seen in Vancouver and Victoria now in Nottingham – such a global crowd ... laundry and packing ... last dinner: cheese and bacon burger and fries – before 7 weeks of vegetarian curry ... a wonderful whirlwind :-)

I'm leaving London already looking forward to being back after India for another two weeks at the end of November - seeing more old friends - before flying home December 1st.