October 21st - My Yoga 1/2 Way Through

The expectation here is that in addition to the classes, students will practice on their own during the afternoons. It wasn't until over half way through the course that I made it to self practice – as I was just getting back into yoga, the first two weeks, the classes were more than enough. My own self or home practice is something I've struggled with ever since I started doing yoga – I just haven't been able to find a rhythm at home – or a space. When I have done it, I find I struggle to know 'what to do next' or else do the same routine of poses and get bored ... finding my own intuition of the poses has been hard, especially combined with the fact that there are, if not rules, then strong suggestions of how poses should be sequenced that I just don't know. I would like to learn – taught might be the more accurate word as of course - I'm sure if I picked up a book I could find out but somehow, I just haven't got there ...

My understanding of the importance of self practice has shifted dramatically – mostly as I realize the difference between 'class' and 'practice' – 'class', especially Iyengar I believe, is just and only that, 'class' whereas 'practice' is personal – doing the asana that you need to do when you need to do it. Per Rajiv, every time you step on the mat, you are different – it is a different time of day, time, you are in a different place mentally, physically, spiritually – and therefor, your practice needs to be different – is mobility or stability more important? Do you need to be grounded, energized or calmed? Etc. etc. The challenge is understanding yourself enough in the moment and then doing the asana that is right for you in that moment. And that is what I'm trying to explore and practice – especially here where I have access to this wonderful space. At the beginning, I definitely struggled ... 'what to do' ... and so I'd look to others for ideas ... and eventually I started to get a feel ... I've been everyday during the break and enjoyed it – look forward to going and have this space, clarity and spring in my step walking home. I'm looking forward to continuing to explore my practice in the 2nd term and taking advantage of the space (literal and figurative) right from the beginning.

In terms of what I'm “working on” - I've had a couple of realizations over the first term. Keeping my back straight (versus hunched) and chest open is my challenge – there is no doubt. I'm getting better but it is going to take time. Also, how I stand – well lean more descriptively – very forward on my toes – upper thighs / groins forward versus back – something to be conscious of and try and shift. And then there is my lower back and the price it seems to have paid thanks to my posture ... usually convex or concave, very rarely straight ... which has to contribute to my lower back pain in certain poses. And some of those poses aren't my faves – and funnily enough, they also seem to have an open chest in common e.g. backbends, suptavirasana, setu bandha ... highlights the age old question – do I do what is easy and I like or do I do what is more challenging but I need ... I'm ready to work more on the former.

And finally pranyama ... the breathing ... something I've long struggled with and was looking forward to spending time on. Rajiv teaches most of the pranyama classes – and they are unlike anything I've done before. The first term has been almost exclusively about “long, slow, deep exhalations” while in restorative asanas – more comparative yoga – encouraging us to increase our awareness and understanding of the breath in different poses. I struggle – to find the really deep breath versus my more shallow and to find the rhythm of the breath. I've been exploring this during practice – to just witness my breath – and I realized that when I've practiced on my own, I count my breath as a way to know how long to be in a pose – so now I'm trying to stop counting and just witness ... and what I find myself witnessing, is not necessarily my breath, but my mind wandering (at times best described as a whirling dervish) ... ah yes, that quiet mind – so elusive.

The good thing is, I am becoming much more aware of 'my' practice and I still have another 3 weeks to continue to grow the awareness as well as experiment and play with it – and hopefully feel the effect on my body, my breath and my mind.