September 9th - Is This My Limit?

It's Wednesday, we still have the rash and I'm walking to school feeling tired – surprisingly tired – and really wishing I wasn't going in. I would happily be anywhere else at the moment. I'd like to think that if I didn't have the rash I'd enjoy going to school but the reality is I find the teaching tiring – even with two of us in the room, you just need to be constantly 'on'. I always think of myself as having good endurance and the ability to persevere through things and I find myself wondering if this is it, I've reached my limit.

We managed to get through the morning – Math and then English – we spiced up English today and didn't touch the text book, instead we put the kids in teams and had them come up with words from the letters of a large word ... 'caterpillar' ... everyone had fun and it was great to see them working together in teams. There was a really nice energy in the room at the end of the morning and we were even singing and dancing at the end as they showed us one of their songs.

Our schedule was such that again, we had the afternoon off – or rather the schedule called for classes that we didn't teach. Now we could have stayed and done stuff with the kids in case the teachers didn't show (which had been what had happened the previous day), but I must admit, our approach was that if we had taught all morning, including a couple of non English, Math or Science slots, then we figured the afternoon was the local teachers and we were ok to go. Not the most mature of attitudes I will admit and rationalized in part by telling ourselves that we were there to help and not do – I think we, or at least I, was feeling a little taken advantage of by the local teachers e.g. we were there and so we could teach for the day. It was also definitely compounded by how tired I felt. I also realized just how strong my need for clarity is – more so than structure – e.g. if you're going to have a very detailed precise schedule then stick to it or else have a schedule that is clear in its flexibility / has more room to breath. I'm also not always proud of my reaction when I get frustrated – too often it can be passive aggressive versus being able to express my frustrations in a clear and constructive way ... they say awareness is the first step :-)

We stayed for lunch – we hadn't stayed yesterday and that had been wrong, it was important that we ate with them as it was their hospitality for us and their warmness and welcoming nature was such that the last thing we wanted to do was offend. My energy had recovered sufficiently that I was feeling guilty when we left, but I left anyway – for selfish reasons. It was our last afternoon where we could go into Mombasa and I had seen a wooden bowl at one of the shops Barbara and I had visited that I wanted to get. I'd also done such a good job describing it that Kieran decided he wanted one too. So after an initial stop at the spice/tea/coffee shop in the fruit and veg market, we found our way back to Old Town and the store with the bowl – where the owners, a father and son, remembered me. I bought my bowl and then as we were getting ready to leave, they pulled me aside ... Kieran and one of the other volunteers had also bought some things and so they said I could take my pick of the necklaces as a thank you for bringing them the business. I was really touched – it really is about relationships – I have a picture of the three of us that is one of my favorites.