October 29th - "Local" Days

In many ways, today was just like any other day – asana class in the morning, special muesli with the group and some writing, followed by time on the internet. But what made the day different was that I finished my last two posts for my Africa chapter of my blog and then uploaded all my Africa blog postings – yeah – I was done! I have been working hard at this for the last two weeks and it feels really good to get it done. I celebrated by heading into to town and getting a very, very long overdue pedicure! A week ago, I'd been waiting for the bus into town when a woman stopped and offered me a lift. She spoke good English and we discovered quickly she also had ties to Vancouver – she and her husband had visited and had their permanent residency but hadn't yet decided to move. She ran a local beauty salon / school where she trained hearing impaired students to be beauticians who then staffed the salon before moving on to other jobs.

Anyway, I'd been meaning to go by for a few days, as after effectively 4 months in flip flops and no pedicure after Africa, my feet were a disaster – heel cracks closely resembling the Grand Canyon ... The treatment was lovely – I have happy feet again! I also had the chance to talk to her and one of the staff – the receptionist, who was studying to be an aeronautic engineer and will be off to Scotland in a few years to further her studies – I thought this was great. And an interesting discussion on how India is developing, especially for women – people no longer have time for the full week wedding celebrations – maybe 2 or 3 days max – or even married in a courthouse ... arranged marriages decreasing - “love is in the air” I think was her direct quote! I also flipped through an Indian edition of Glamour – what struck me? the advertisements for skin lightening treatments – the lightness of the skin of the models – as Rajiv said on another occasion, "do these models look Indian?" They didn't in this magazine either. And then the fashion spreads – I wasn't sure where some of these clothes would be worn with the degree of leg, arms and cleavage being shown ... certainly not in Rajpur or Dehradun ... I'm getting more curious to see Dehli ... just how modern is India getting? And where? And is modern really the right word - I think western might be more accurate ...

The next day, I went back to Purkal – an organization in a nearby village started by a retired couple. It is quite incredible ... they have two operations ... one is a center for woman where they teach them to quilt, facilitate their production of quilts and other products and essentially provide them with economic independence. The second operation is a school for local kids where they directly provide education to the younger kids and then support the education of the older children e.g. pay school fees, provide uniforms and clothes for the cold, two meals a day and a place where they can come after school to continue their studies. It is quite amazing and again, I'm so impressed with the kids – they are bright, curious, and appreciative of the opportunity – with great smiles and laughs. We had been here the first term with the full group but this time just 3 of us went and it allowed us to learn much more about the organization's programs as well as spend time with the kids. It reminded me of how much I enjoyed Africa – getting to know the kids and contributing something to their development. Overall, it is an experience I want to repeat – be it Africa or India or somewhere else - for at least 3 months – to see the development and become more a part of the local community. Though when I learned that the year 10s were doing calculus, I realized I might have to brush up on a few math skills first ...

So all in all, both were great days – and I appreciated getting a little closer to the local life in India. There is so much to learn and I have so many questions ... won't all be answered this trip ... just more to continue to discover when I return.

October 27th - Me & Money

I do have a funny relationship with money and it's something I've been thinking about recently. I have memories growing up of never wanting to ask my parents for money ... the example that always jumps out is dreading to ask my mom for the cheque for ballet. And I honestly don't know why I had this feeling – it was never anything they did – they were always very supportive and happily wrote the cheque – it was entirely in my head. And somehow it is still linked to my current attitude with money ... I know I can be cheap – and here, especially in the second term, I've gotten very cheap ... almost as if it is a contest to see how cheaply and by default simply I can live? It's like I don't need anything more than the very basics – breakfast out, quick internet sync, dinner of dal, rice and a veggie and a cup of tea after. I don't feel the need to buy the different nice beans or the dessert or the chilis or extras and wouldn't if it was just me. And when others do, I have this momentary – why?? Is it really necessary?? And then I try the chick peas ... and I enjoy them and the variety from the usual dal ... and the chutney is tasty ... and I certainly don't turn down the sweets for dessert ... so why do I have even the momentary thought of why? I don't know. And the irony, what became the after dinner ritual with both Richard and Gavin and Laura of after dinner tea and sweets, I really enjoyed and wouldn't have changed. I didn't need it but I enjoyed it.

Some of it is about control – and reinforced with my budget and how I'm tracking my spending (yup – xls file with many tabs and some might say, a slightly excessive level of detail ...) but control of what, again I'm not sure. Watching my spending has also been interesting – definitely providing more restraint and some good questioning of what do I really need ... yes, I can live simply and I do not need a lot. And at the same time, I don't want to give a false impression of me and austerity ... my mother taught me the important lesson of buying quality ... and I do like nice things, as my shoe collection will testify. Money sainthood does not live here. And it is a good thing to be more conscious of my money – something I've avoided in the past – so something definitely to take forward – and at the same time, try and understand a few more of the whys in what I do ...

Another money related thing I've found disconcerting in India has been feeling like I need to stay alert to getting taken advantage of ... whether it's a creative attempt to get another 50 rupees a night for the room I was in the first term, or the rapidly disappearing soap or rice ... it doesn't help my trust ... and my instinct goes to start with suspicion, which is often not proved valid ... and so why not start with assuming the best? Even if proved otherwise, how much is it really – and isn't it worth it? And yet, I have this visceral, blood boiling reaction when I think I'm being taken advantage of ... but what does it really give me? How much is it really? Again, how do I want to live my life? It's my choice, and the answer when put like that is easy ... with more generosity and with the ability to ask for what I want – financial or otherwise.

October 25th - Socks With My Birkenstocks ...

I know I promised I wouldn't but I have a good reason, honest ...

The alternative title for this blog was 'I finally found the perfect weather' ... but I thought the Birkenstocks comment might be a little more entertaining ... but really, it is all about the weather ...

The rainy season with it's hot and muggy weather lasted about a week ... we had a couple of good thunderstorms ... I love the rain – it brings out the smells of the garden and clears the air – and if only it drowned rather than breeded the mosquitoes, would be quite perfect!

And then it turned into was has become my perfect dream weather ... gorgeous clear blue skies, day after day after day – crisp and energizing in the mornings, cool in the evenings and bright and warm (e.g. high 20s) during the day. Perfect for yoga in the morning, to sit and read/write in the afternoon and wonderful for sleep at night. Absolutely perfect. And the icing on the cake, these wonderful breezes (the wind is my favorite element – nature's air conditioner and perfect whether giving relief to the sun and the heat or whipping up a blustery storm that can push you along with it's power at the side of the ocean or in the middle of a field). I do realize I'm going on a bit rapturously (5 perfects so far) ... but after all my travels, especially in the warmer climates, I've become a bit of a connoisseur ... like the littlest of the three bears searching for the weather that is "juuussst right" - and this, for me is that :-)

And now the weather is continuing to change ... still fundamentally the same with the blue skies day after day, now just that little bit colder in the mornings and at night ... for the first time in over 4 months, I have been cold – yeah!!!! If I have to choose between too cold and too hot, I'll go with too cold – much easier to add a second or third layer (e.g. socks) than take off the first ... well I suppose it depends on the company :-)

October 25th - 2nd Term ... This Tortoise's Head is Pulling In

Walking around Rajpur the last few days, I started to see new 'foreign' faces ... has to be new students ... the reality of the 2nd term starting is at hand ... Orientation was the afternoon before the first class – I had missed it last time and was curious to experience it. Turned out to be pretty straight forward – name, country, how many years studying and with whom. There were 45 people this term – the hall was full to the extent I couldn't see about a third of the faces down the same side. Another very international crowd – the usual Brits, some Americans, Australians and then Polish as well as Columbian, Malaysian, Brazilian. I continue to be grateful that I already know people and am not starting from scratch.

I hadn't yet met my new housemates and when they introduced themselves, I couldn't see their faces so after the session, it was a bit of a guessing game as to who they might be ... we connected and they are lovely – Gavin is English, an Inyengar teacher as well as a marine scientist (really not sure on the details here ...) living in the UK and Laura is Italian living in London learning English.

A few days in and the routine is emerging ... different from the first term as there are no more naps required and instead I am focused on my blog and getting to practice each day. I still go to Amdo's for breakfast and am enjoying getting to know the new people that have discovered it. I'm also discovering places to write – I still enjoy my outdoor kitchen but I've added to it with the woman's center (they provide training to local women in baking and sewing and then sell the products) which has a good little cafe with amazing views over the valley and my favorite, the pergola on the roof of the yoga center which has incredible views of the valley and Swati's garden and the most amazing gentle air that just breezes by. I'm writing about 3 hours a day, enjoying it and feeling very productive - almost like I am at 'work' – a little surreal to say the least ... and also reassuring :-)

The yoga has been great – there are similarities to how the first course began, but more often, it seems like we are starting from where the last course ended, especially in the pranyama. Rajiv used this great analogy for pranyama the other day - that of a tortoise ... we arrive at class very much 'head out' and then through the breathing, the head goes in and we achieve a very different state (“yoga pudding” is one of his descriptors I like) ... and then class ends and the head starts to reemerge. I've found the analogy also works for me with the 2nd Term - my 'head' is pulling in. At the start of the 1st term I felt a need to get to know people, socialize and be part of the group – to an extent that surprised me. But this term, I don't have that same need at all. I'm much more comfortable on my own, being with me and I'm finding the days are much more about me, my reflections, what I want to do. So, other than the hello/good bye with people before/after class, my breakfast at Amdo's, connecting at practice or the internet and dinner with Gavin and Laura – I'm good. It's a nice balance. I also know it is largely due to the regularity and intensity (more intense than we think) of the yoga and pranyama – and I am loving the head space that it is putting me in.

October 21st - My Yoga 1/2 Way Through

The expectation here is that in addition to the classes, students will practice on their own during the afternoons. It wasn't until over half way through the course that I made it to self practice – as I was just getting back into yoga, the first two weeks, the classes were more than enough. My own self or home practice is something I've struggled with ever since I started doing yoga – I just haven't been able to find a rhythm at home – or a space. When I have done it, I find I struggle to know 'what to do next' or else do the same routine of poses and get bored ... finding my own intuition of the poses has been hard, especially combined with the fact that there are, if not rules, then strong suggestions of how poses should be sequenced that I just don't know. I would like to learn – taught might be the more accurate word as of course - I'm sure if I picked up a book I could find out but somehow, I just haven't got there ...

My understanding of the importance of self practice has shifted dramatically – mostly as I realize the difference between 'class' and 'practice' – 'class', especially Iyengar I believe, is just and only that, 'class' whereas 'practice' is personal – doing the asana that you need to do when you need to do it. Per Rajiv, every time you step on the mat, you are different – it is a different time of day, time, you are in a different place mentally, physically, spiritually – and therefor, your practice needs to be different – is mobility or stability more important? Do you need to be grounded, energized or calmed? Etc. etc. The challenge is understanding yourself enough in the moment and then doing the asana that is right for you in that moment. And that is what I'm trying to explore and practice – especially here where I have access to this wonderful space. At the beginning, I definitely struggled ... 'what to do' ... and so I'd look to others for ideas ... and eventually I started to get a feel ... I've been everyday during the break and enjoyed it – look forward to going and have this space, clarity and spring in my step walking home. I'm looking forward to continuing to explore my practice in the 2nd term and taking advantage of the space (literal and figurative) right from the beginning.

In terms of what I'm “working on” - I've had a couple of realizations over the first term. Keeping my back straight (versus hunched) and chest open is my challenge – there is no doubt. I'm getting better but it is going to take time. Also, how I stand – well lean more descriptively – very forward on my toes – upper thighs / groins forward versus back – something to be conscious of and try and shift. And then there is my lower back and the price it seems to have paid thanks to my posture ... usually convex or concave, very rarely straight ... which has to contribute to my lower back pain in certain poses. And some of those poses aren't my faves – and funnily enough, they also seem to have an open chest in common e.g. backbends, suptavirasana, setu bandha ... highlights the age old question – do I do what is easy and I like or do I do what is more challenging but I need ... I'm ready to work more on the former.

And finally pranyama ... the breathing ... something I've long struggled with and was looking forward to spending time on. Rajiv teaches most of the pranyama classes – and they are unlike anything I've done before. The first term has been almost exclusively about “long, slow, deep exhalations” while in restorative asanas – more comparative yoga – encouraging us to increase our awareness and understanding of the breath in different poses. I struggle – to find the really deep breath versus my more shallow and to find the rhythm of the breath. I've been exploring this during practice – to just witness my breath – and I realized that when I've practiced on my own, I count my breath as a way to know how long to be in a pose – so now I'm trying to stop counting and just witness ... and what I find myself witnessing, is not necessarily my breath, but my mind wandering (at times best described as a whirling dervish) ... ah yes, that quiet mind – so elusive.

The good thing is, I am becoming much more aware of 'my' practice and I still have another 3 weeks to continue to grow the awareness as well as experiment and play with it – and hopefully feel the effect on my body, my breath and my mind.

October 18th - The Break Between Courses

I have 5 days off before the next course starts and ever since I arrived, I've been trying to decide what to do ... actually hesitating might be the better word. Initially I decided to stay in Rajpur for a couple of days to experience Diwali and then head to Rishikesh. Rishikesh, an hour away, on the Ganga and been called the 'home' of yoga with many ashrams, yoga classes, teacher training – yoga wise, you name it, they have it. I also heard it was a good place to just hang out and relax. All seemed good, I even had a line on places to stay. But then, this hesitation was just lingering away in my gut – it was twofold – I'm so enjoying the personal sense of quiet that I've found in Rajpur, I don't want to lose it in a bigger city and two, I don't think I want to go on my own ... and if I'm honest, that's the bottomline. India and all of it's people, traffic and noise still intimidates me ... and so part of me says that that is then why I should go ... but two days before I was to go, I decided not to – and immediately, my gut felt right. It's the right decision for me right now.

So I stayed in Rajpur and hung out ... up, breakfast, internet, writing/ reading, practice in the afternoon, dinner, (cooked my own stir fry ... and it was good!) reading/ writing and bed. Perfect. I was missing either a little human connection or pop culture and so found a book in the room to read ... pure trashy Sydney Sheldon fiction ... made me think of my Grandmother ... I was done in 24 hours and will admit, as embarrassing as it might be, it hit the spot! And then I got serious ... I did actually – with my blog. I realized that I had a huge amount of work still to do on Africa, let alone India, and the time was rapidly passing. So I buckled down and got focused. I can be the queen of procrastination at times … it's an art form I've perfected ... However, I am also a pro and hitting the deadline, a little like a bulls eye dart shot ... really just in time ... but it is not necessarily a great way to work – to say the least. I know it is part of 'who I am' so I'm realistic about how much I'm really going to change ... but I would like to see if I can practice being a little more focused and productive. I tell you, not having wifi immediately to hand definitely helps. I'm also realizing that I will flip to something else when something is blocking me with what I'm trying to do in the minute ... so the challenge is knowing when I truly need space from the task versus just pushing through. I was halfway though Africa by the time the break ended – and it felt good.

I've thought many times this last week how very lucky I am to be able to stay for two courses – I am so not ready to leave yet. It took me time to settle in and I feel like I have been hitting my stride in the second half of the course – and just want to continue to ride this wave I'm on and see where it takes me. I'm enjoying it so much I've even has these crazy thoughts of could I stay and just be here for 6 to 8 months? It is a great place to write ...and that amount of time from a yoga perspective would truly be trans-formative ... realistically, no I couldn't ... and yet, if I really wanted to, yes I could – not the way I normally think about what I would normally consider 'way out there' possibilities ... feels like I am opening and expanding my mind about what really are the options and possibilities ... kinda cool.

The only downside of this time is that I am sad to see people leave – it's been a really good group – nice, fun, interesting people from all over – great energy in the room. The good news is that 12 of us staying on for the next course – and as they are lovely people who I really enjoy the company of, I'm grateful – it will be nice to have that basis of familiarity for the second course. Richard unfortunately, is not one of those staying – he is back to his family and real life in Israel – with a significant amount of shopping completed! He knows India so well and was prepared to take full advantage of it while here ... everything from clothes for his wife, books (very cheap) for his daughter and new jeans, glasses and a trip to the dentist for himself! The reality is that the economic comparison is good – I almost made it to the dentist but somehow couldn't bring myself to let that oh so most favored part of reality in to my happy place in Rajpur ... :-)

October 17th - Patanjali's B'day & Diwali

Patanjali, seen by some as the 'father' of yoga, compiled the yoga sutras, over 5,000 years ago, which outline the philosophy, intent and practice of yoga. In traditional Iyengar yoga, we start the class / practice with an invocation to Patanjali and each year, Swati and Rajiv host a party in celebration of his birthday – and this year it also marked the last day of this first course.

Preparations began 2 days before – and involved two key tasks for us – 3 large sand paintings (e.g. 2 about 4 ft by 4 ft) on the bricks outside the hall and decorating the inside with many, many garlands of flowers. We started with the drawings – first the pattern was laid in chalk and then we filled it in with incredibly vibrant colored sand - it was like coloring ... and just as hard to stay in the lines as a 3 year old with crayons! Then on the day of the event came the flower stringing – at the start it was hard to conceive how this huge bag of orange marigolds would be strung ... but they were, interspersed with shiny green leaves, and by the end of the day they were hanging down and across the windows and along the walls of the studio with extra flowers stuffed into the rope hooks on the wall and strewn on the window sills – it looked beautiful. Somehow I'd been given the task of making flower garlands for the two deities in the room – one to Ganesha (god of wisdom and overcoming obstacles) and one to Hanuman (god of breath) – it felt like real responsibility - thankfully I had help! We had permission to raid Swati's garden for other flowers in addition to the marigolds - my favorite were the purple thistles. Then it was decorating the gods and 'flower stuffing' after the discovery that all the space on and around the gods needed to be filled – so more garden shopping ... By accident, we used these beautiful big tree blossoms – which were initially white when we picked them – but by the time of the event, they'd changed into a mauve purple – it was quite stunning. It was a fun couple of days – the nicest part was just hanging out with the other students and Rajiv and Swati in a very relaxed and informal atmosphere – a treat.

There were about 100 people at the celebration which started late afternoon - first, our invocation and an extended chant to Patanjali. This was followed by a real treat – a world renown musician who plays one of the traditional Indian instruments (unfortunately, the name escapes me ...) performed. The best way to describe it is a very long thin and guitar like instrument supported by two very large orange gourds (like pumpkins) so there is height and he can sit with his feet underneath it. He plays it by strumming the strings and moving a glass ball over them that creates sound vibrations – it was like nothing I've ever seen or heard – just beautiful. This was followed by dinner in the garden and then the good byes started as people were leaving to catch trains. Between this and the group dinner in Dehradun the night before, there was a lovely completion and closure to the course.

Two days later it was Diwali – one of the most important Indian holiday of the year ... the Festival of Lights where the triumph of good over evil or the inner light of an individual is celebrated. One of the traditions of the holidays is cleaning the buildings so that lights can be lit in every room – so for the week before the holiday, all kinds of tidying, sprucing up and painting was evident in houses and stores alike followed by the hanging of lights – it made me think of Christmas. People were also out buying new clothes to wear and the sale of sweets and fireworks was booming! Richard and I made our early morning trek to Missourie on the morning of Diwali and the mood on the street was one of fun and good wishes. Then at practice that afternoon, Rajiv invited those that could make it up to Swati's mother's hotel in Missourie for the celebration. With no concrete dinner plans, I said I'd go – even if on my own (good for me and surprisingly easy) – though it was nice when another couple were also able to join :-) It was a great evening – a traditional prayer service followed by a big bonfire and fireworks in the garden, and concluded with an excellent meal – and it felt very special to be able to participate in a family celebration. On the drive back we could see all the fireworks going off across Dehradun – not one or two big shows but hundreds / thousands as the fireworks go off family by family, house by house. We stopped the car a couple of times, turned off the lights and engine and just watched – it was a magical show.

PS I'm still having trouble loading pictures to the blog but I've uploaded a bunch from both celebrations to Facebook.